Hello my crafty friends, it has taken me a bit to do this post. Hubby and I went down to Hopkins on Monday. Hubby doesn't qualify for the study because he isn't "healthy" enough. The doctor told him to go home and live out the remainder of his time the best he could with the family. It was devastating news to us both, but I know what the doctor said was true. Hubby is going down hill everyday, I'm not sure he will even make it through the fall. It was hard having to tell our boys and I just got that done on Tuesday night. Our oldest is in the military and I have to judge when hubby is really bad, but not bad enough to pass before I can go through the Red Cross to get our son home to say his goodbye. I have to say this is really tough! I guess too, I should say that we are a blended family, we had "yours", "mine" and "ours". Son #1 and #3 were mine, son's 2, 4 and 5 where hubby's and son #6 is ours together. But very few people realize it or remember it. As a teacher once told me, "I forget you have a blended family because, a) the boys all look alike, b) you both treat them all the same so no one would really know that they aren't yours or that they are all real brothers. Well they are real brothers in every sense of the word, they just don't have the same blood. So our boys are hurting-all of them. My husband was a great father to all our boys or should I say men because they really are, but still boys to me and my heart. He taught them great work ethics and I'm so proud of the men they have become. Our youngest of course is the one who is in his second year of college, he is the one I worry about the most. It's going to be hard for us all, but I think especially hard on him. Now I have to brag, all our guys have stepped up to the plate to make sure I now they are here for me. One has told me he will make it his mission to make sure that myself and my youngest are taken care of if anything happens to his father. How sweet is that?! I know they all will do whatever they have to and what ever they can to see me through this. It is I who should be seeing them through this, not the other way around. But I'm a sissy and will need them.
So today we go see our oncologist, hubby get's his shot and I look for the doctor to call Hospice in very soon. Hubby isn't eating well at all and he isn't drinking much, I know he is getting dehydrated because the nurse had a hard time getting blood from him for his blood test yesterday. I will have some scheduled posts to fulfill my design team obligations (and no, I don't have to do this, but feel obligated to do it because I kinda' get paid, paid in stamps) coming up. After that I don't know when I will be back to blogging. The guys and I will have much to do when we lose hubby. So much farm equipment that will need to be sold and I haven't a clue about what it is even worth and of course the list will go on. Will have to find affordable health insurance for myself and our youngest. Hubby is only 52, so his job still carries us on their health insurance, hubby has worked for this local company for 35 years, started with them at 17 years old, so his boss made sure he covered the whole family without it costing us a cent! Yes, we are blessed, but once hubby is gone, that will be gone too. I am very thankful for them for taking care of us the way they have this last 2 years, they have certainly went above and beyond what they had to as they continued to pay hubby his pay whether he worked or not. Yes, blessed we are with this company. Not many employers would or do do this! So I can't complain except for the fact of this cancer taking my husband here one day.
I also want to thank all of you who have left messages for me, prayed for us and sent cards to us. I can't even begin to list you all as I would probably miss someone, but you know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hubby just couldn't believe all the people praying for him. It truly touched his heart as well as mine!!
If you are still with me this far, bless your heart. I will be back to let everyone know when hubby has passed, but don't know when I will be crafting again. Maybe I will feel the need to scrap my pictures and will post them, or maybe not. I don't know how I will feel. I do know that I love you all and will never forget the love and support you have instilled upon us. Until then......crafty love and hugs to you all! Brenda
26 comments:
I know this was a difficult post for you to write. And I'm glad to feel that you realize so many of your blog friends are holding you both in their hearts & prayers. You will continue to be as strong as you have to be, you're definitely not a 'sissy'. So thankful to read that the boys are standing beside you, so that all of you can be strong as a family. Prayers and big, big hugs. MM
I can't imagine the pain you are going through, Brenda. You did a really brave thing writing this post and I so appreciate that you wrote to us through your tears and anguish. Often our bloggie friends just stop blogging one day and we never know what happened, which is hard. So thank you. It is a blessing that you have all six of those sons who will take care of you and you have your grandchildren to bring you laughter and snuggles when you need it most. I wish I lived closer, but I don't, so all I can do is promise never to lose touch. You have my continued prayers and support and friendship. Love and gentle hugs, Darnell
Dear dear Brenda, my dear friend, truly it is a hard path you are needing to walk, pray for God's hand of mercy upon both, and all your dear boys too, how precious it is to have the blended family to share the load in this.
It will be hard especially for the army lad so will pray for him and wisdom for you both in that respect too.
Would that I could do more than send bloggy hugs, but be assured of my prayers each day, esp. praying over all adjustments you need to organise, dear friend, will miss your posts, will write again soon.
love, Shaz.xx
{Shaz in Oz – Calligraphy Cards}
I have popped across here from Mary's blog. My heart goes out to you and your boys at this very difficult time. You are all in my thoughts and prayers and I pray God will give you the strength to deal with what is to come. Love and God Bless. Christine x
Hi Brenda
What a very difficult post for you to write .. .. and what a lot for you and your family to cope with.
I loved your description of a "blended family". I haven't heard that phrase before .. .. .. but I didn't love everything else your post contained.
I am so sorry that your husband doesn't qualify for the study, that must have been devastating news to hear and my heart goes out to you all. Thank goodness you have a strong family unit. The boys sound wonderful, the best any Mum could wish for.
I wish I had a magic wand Brenda so I could make everything perfect again for you.
I shall be thinking of you all.
Sending love and tight squeezy hugs
Jules xoxo
My heart aches for you. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, because I know the pain, the anger and the feeling of helplessness you are feeling. I continue to pray for you all every day. It up to the Lord know and you must trust in Him that this is what is best for Dwayne. He must have a reason that He needs him so badly up there, maybe for a job bigger then the farm down here....but please know that God will prevail and He will take care of you and your sons. I will always be here for you. I will always listen. I will always be that friend you can turn to for anything at anytime. I know this is not fair and its not happy news so my only advice to you now, is to spend every minute .. every single minute together as a family... don't let any of your sons feel like they didn't get enough time in... make them all come home and spend that time together... you will all need that to carry you through. I love you Brenda. xox
Hugs,
Jo
xox
Hello Brenda,you won't know me,but I came here via a crafty friends Blog.I am so sorry to read your sad news,and sorry for the heartache that you now face as a family xx
I wish you all love and strength as you come to terms with your sad news,and I wish for your husband as comfortable and dignified passing as is possible,
Sending you love,
Nessa xxxx
Brenda my heart aches for you, I can not imagine how your feeling at the moment, but I can tell by the writing you are a very strong lady and God has given you so much strength when the time is needed. I will ask for extra prayers at Bible Study Fellowship for you and the family. If you need help with farm machinery pricing we maybe able to locate some for you online. Thank you for keeping us your crafty friends in the loop as we can only help in ways that others don't know. Hugs and prayers my friend now and always.
Tina
I came from a crafty friend's blog also. I wanted to say I am very sorry for the difficult time you and your family are going through and will be going through. My heart aches for you. May God be with you all through this time. Sending hugs and prayers.
Brenda my heart is breaking for you all. You are so strong! Dwayne and you have done everything you can with the doctors. You have fought a good fight. We know Jesus has you all in His hands and will get you through this. I know the boys will be there and you have your faith and friends too. You know where I am when you need someone. Hugs and prayers and love -S
I am so terribly sorry to read this post. My heart is so heavy for you and your family. I pray that hubby can be pain free through this and you have the strength to help him. I'm so glad to hear of the support you have with your sons, but it is hard for them too. We, your blog family, are all here for you anytime. I'm sending you many prayers and hugs.
Brenda, I know there are no words I can say to make you feel better, just know that you are in my daily thoughts and prayers. I am reading this with tears in my eyes...I can't even imagine how hard it was for you write. God has plans for your husband...he calls those he needs to his side. As hard as this is, know that you are blessed with your sons to help you through this difficult time. And you have all of your bloggy friends to help you, too. I will pray that God wraps his arms around your family, that he gives you the strength you need to persevere, and that you find comfort in his love. Big hugs my sweet friend. If there is anything I can do for you, please, please don't hesitate to ask.
Lisa
A Mermaid's Crafts
You know that I'm here for you and will continue to be so. All my love and hugs and prayers being sent Brenda!
Lynn
My dear Brenda, if I could I'd take that cancer and throw it to the wind. I can't, but I can continue to pray that your days together will be a joy to you. You are strong and you will continue to be strong for those you love. And you have the grace to accept the help and love from others. Special prayers for all of you. Love & hugs. Bonnie
Brenda I am so sorry to hear this news, Must have been very difficult to write this post! our thoughts are with you! Thank goodness you have your wonderful family there for you!
Love and hugs from us.
I wish I had some words that would bring comfort to you and your family at such a devastating time in your lives, but unfortunately I don't. I felt your heart breaking with every word you wrote here, and there's just nothing I can do except to continue offering my support and prayers for all of you, and pray that somehow you can all get through this by leaning on one another and letting your faith carry you through. Life just isn't fair sometimes, but it's wonderful that you found each other, and raised those boys and found happiness together. Some folks never find happiness in their entire lives, so I'm glad you both found love in spite of all of the heartbreak. I'll hold you close in my thoughts and prayers as you go through the most difficult days ahead. Warm (((hugs))) Brenda.
I'll make no apologies for saying this, but cancer sucks!!!!
Brenda my dear friend I am totally devastated to read this and my heart is breaking for you all. There really are no words...but I know your boys will wrap their love around you and your friends are here for you. Take care my friend always in my prayers huggles Sue xxxxxxx
Hello Brenda, i'm a visitor popping over from Mary's blog, and I am so heart sorry for your Husband, you and your family, how awful it is, I'm glad you have your faith and it is supporting you. As a non believer, I can't offer prayers, but will keep you all in my positive thoughts and hope that your time together can be peaceful, with love Kate x
Brenda, I am a "new" prayer warrior for you and your husband... and your "boys" too. A friend of mine pointed me to your blog today and asked that I pray for you. I am certainly doing that and will continue to do so. How difficult your journey is these days, but hopefully knowing there are people who care and are praying for you will make each step a little lighter. (((HUGS)))
Brenda, my heart is heavy as I read your post today. This is so sad and heartbreaking for both of you and your sons. I'm so happy the boys are around and will help you through this but they are having to come to terms with it too. I'm sending prayers that hubby will not be in pain and you will have strength to help him. Know that we, your blog community, are here for you anytime and are so sorrowful. I typed this up before but it disappeared. If I've posted twice, just delete one. Love to you and be strong.
Oh Brenda. I am so sorry that you are enduring this right now. Bless you for letting us all know about you and your family. Your boys sound wonderful and you have every right to be proud of them. They will be a great help to you over the coming months/years.
I am sending prayers and hugs to you over the water.
Hettie
xxx
Brenda, I am so sorry to hear this news. Please know that I am praying for you and your family. May God give you strength and peace during this time.
Hugs,
Glenda
My comments seem to disappear, so I'll be in touch via email very soon; hopefully, this one will stay. Brenda, my dear friend, I don't have words to fully express how heart-broken and heart-heavy I am for you. I'm awed by the incredible strength you had to write this post, as I know that each word was a challenge. In sharing, though, we can continue to let you know that we're here for you, offering prayers, hugs and whatever support you may need in the days to come. We have, collectively, strong shoulders, loving hearts, deep faith. I'm glad your boys and their families are nearby so you can lean on one another. Remember, too, to lean on us; lean on me. Sending you hugs, prayers and immense amounts of love. I. am. here. for you!
Love,
~c
Brenda, I'm so, so sorry to hear such sad and devastating news. I will continue to keep you, Dwayne and your boys in my prayers ... the Lord will give you all the strength you all need, whenever you need it ... and will wrap you in his loving arms always. Thinking of you, my friend ... hugs, Anita
Dearest Brenda, I'm so sorry to hear the devastating news about Dwayne. Weeping here now as I type - not sure what I can say that may help - except to reiterate that you have so many of us 'out there' sending our love and support, and wishing we could be the wind beneath the wings of you, Dwayne and your family through this very sad and tough time. The boys will be strong I'm sure, as will you - but it's a very hard road to travel.
You're in my thoughts sweet girl, sending you love and hugs across the seas.
Di xxx
Dearest Brenda,
I am so, so sorry to hear this news. Please know that I am praying for you and your family during this time. I know you will find strength in the Lord and that the peace that passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind. Much love and prayers to you my dear crafty friend. Please keep us posted and know that I am here for you if anything.
-Melinda
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