Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Something I just had to Share...

Hello my crafty friends, I don't have anything craft related to show you, but I do have something I want to share. As you all know I lost my wonderful husband in Oct. of 2015. Still struggling, but making strides most days. Grief has a way of sneaking up on you when you think things are going well and this week it has really snuck up on me. I am struggling a lot this week and I assume it is because our anniversary is this Saturday. My youngest son also told me last Sunday that he is coming home to take me out to eat just like his dad always did for our anniversary, which made my heart smile but cry at the same time. He say's he plans on doing that each anniversary here after. Yes, I have wonderful sons, but my youngest had his dad the least amount of time and he is right in tune with me on our loss. So that might have something to do with my struggles this week as well. 

Today I ran across this blog by way of another blog and it came at the perfect time. I sat reading this post and the tears where streaming down my face. This post spoke to me in a way I never expected. So I thought I would share it in hopes that it may help someone else too. So please excuse the non crafty post, but I think you will forgive me after reading this. I will be back soon to share where I have been all last week. Still trying to catch up with commenting and emails. Came home to over 600 emails, how does that happen?!!! lol Crafty hugs, Brenda

Here is the post link so you can go to this woman's blog:


Here is the story if you don't want to click on the link:


 February 5, 2016

The last time my sister, Kristen, saw her husband, Rob, he was on the way out the door to do a favor for a total stranger. When she asked why he was doing this, he said “I am paying it forward.” He and the stranger died in a single-engine plane crash a few hours later. That was nearly three years ago now, and I know it still hurts.
It is not always death that takes loved ones from us; sometimes it is the end of a relationship that feels like it should have lasted forever, the loss of a baby that was never born or never adopted, or distance from a family member who has lost their way in the world. It is my sister’s birthday this week and I wrote this post for her, but it is also a letter for all those other souls who have shown us how to live gracefully, for those who have experienced great loss and left their hearts open to love again. If you know someone like this, send them this letter, and tell them, it’s from you.

To You, My Friend, Who Still Grieves When No One Sees
I see you, Friend. I see you go about your daily life. I see you laugh and work. I see your still vibrant smile. I see you putting your best foot forward. I see you creating your newly remodeled life. I see you stepping up and helping others along the way. I see you standing there, a bit wobbly-kneed sometimes, but feet firmly planted. I see you. And I want you to know how proud I am to know you.
I do not claim to know how you feel. Who can claim such a thing? Grief is so personally wrenching, so tailor-made for our own circumstances. The devastation of your personal loss cannot be compared to any other loss. There is no mathematics of grief; no such thing as: this loss is precisely 12.63 times more devastating than that one. Because loss is loss, like zero is zero, and no amount of multiplication or division makes it any other number. It’s just zero, ground zero for trying to rebuild your life around a cannonball-sized wound in your heart.
I do know a few things about grief. I know that years later, long after you have scraped yourself on the concrete and moved on, long after you have told yourself that you are okay now, the old grief can ambush you from behind. There you are, going about your day, shopping, cleaning, driving, or doing any old mundane task and then suddenly you are utterly flattened again by grief. And you can’t figure out how it managed to sneak up on you like that. Why didn’t you see it coming? It’s like, there you were, standing on a quiet street, minding your own business and WAM, a truck plows over you from behind. And that’s it. You’re down for the count. And the really weird thing about it is that everything around you goes on, business as usual, as if nothing significant had happened. You are down and the rest of the world still sees you standing. And you get used to them not knowing you are down. And you don’t tell them, because… well… isn’t there enough drama in the world already?
But I am telling you, I see you! You are not the same as those still untouched by loss. You have something different about you, something that draws me to you and marks you as one who knows the full price of love and chooses to love again anyway. I know you are not always steady on your feet, and I know that reconstructing your inner world is pretty much a solo project. But I see you standing there, with that cannonball wound in your heart, and I am moved by you. I know you have made that difficult choice to let the wound stand. You have not filled the hole with bitterness; you have not encased your heart in concrete; you have not surrounded yourself with emotional barbed-wire. You stand there with your broken heart and you give me hope for the future. I know some wounds never heal. But I think, when I look at you, that it might somehow be okay if a heart stays that way, a heart broken open by loss, vulnerable but welcoming like yours.
There is this strange thing that happens to me sometimes. I am in some public place and I see something out of the corner of my eye. Or I hear a voice and turn around, fully expecting to see a familiar face. And it’s just strangers, and they are not even looking at me. It’s weird. After all this time, I still have moments when I feel like I have entered into that alternate universe, where your life turned out the way it was supposed to and the loss never happened. And then I feel that pang in my heart, small though it is in comparison, and I think of you. And I send you my love, letting it pass along unseen channels, hoping somehow you’ll feel it. In those moments I remember your loss, and I think of you standing there with your open heart, standing beside all the other lovely open-hearted people who have gone there before you. God, you are a beautiful sight!
So, thank you. Thank you for being there for me in spite of everything. Thank you for showing me how to stand up again and again, no matter how many times grief ambushes you. Thank you for showing me how to love when your heart is broken. Thank you for showing me what I need to do when my losses come. Because no matter how we try, none of us escapes loss; sooner or later we all get ambushed by it. But I feel more confident about the future knowing this one thing: on that terrible day, when my heart breaks, you will be there standing by me with that broken-open heart of yours. All of us with our broken hearts will stand together. And we will know that our wounds are not signs of weakness, but badges of honor, because we have dared greatly and loved deeply and fully intend to love again. And if not now, well… at least… someday… hopefully soon.
I am so proud of you. And I want you to know, I see you!

Dear Reader,
Scroll down you will find a place to comment on this post and read comments by others. If you know Kristen and loved Rob like we did, you can post something about them here. If you have lost a love one, you can leave them a message here as well. Somehow I think they will get it. If you are wondering what my sister is doing these days to cope with her loss, you can check out to her website at stillwithyou.com. It is a beautiful and very personal project she hopes will help others cope with loss.


Karen said...

It made me cry huni, sending you a gentle big hug Karen xx

jimlynn said...

A beautiful post Brenda! Hugs to you my friend.

Carol L said...

It's great to know you can find comfort when and where you least expect it. People are drawn together but unknown forces, but sometimes it's the perfect therapy you're in need of. Enjoy your anniversary dinner with your son - he must be such a special son to ensure you're not alone on such a special occasion! Try to keep your focus on positives and have a wonderful time together :)

Lisa said...

What a beautiful post!! Tears in my eyes!! Big hugs to you my sweet friend!! Thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs :)

A Mermaid's Crafts

Sharon said...

I was also led to this blog by someone else. It made me cry, too. When I lost Mom this past November so unexpectedly, my life hasn't been the same. I miss her so much. This wonderful lady has a great insight and a way with words that are both heart pulling and comforting. You are in my prayers. And God has this. He is our rock. :)

Loll said...

Thank you for sharing Brenda. This made me cry. It is so well written that I can "feel" her words. xx

Kristie Goulet said...

Thank you for sharing, Brenda! Your post at the beginning made me cry and reading though the rest of the post made me cry as well. Sending many hugs and prayers your way. ♥

Brenda in IN said...

So beautiful and so touching. My heart hurts for everyone who loses a loved one. It hurts so very much and so hard to get through. Our lives go on but with an empty spot inside of us that never really leaves us. I know it will be better some day but the grief still sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Thanks for sharing this.

Bonnie said...

I see you, my friend! Have a blessed day.

Veerle said...

Beautiful post my dear and here's a big fat hug for you.
Always thinking of you my dear friend.
Love, Veerle xxxx

Shaz in Oz.CalligraphyCards said...

Mm dear Brenda, hurt is hard to fathom, grief even harder...

.. thanks for sharing dear friend, praying so hard for you, that you will feel, will know the comfort that our Lord God alone can give,

He knows what it is to suffer loss,
He gave His only Son for us,
.... He was separated from Him, God the Father turned His back on Hs only Son, sinless, perfect but bearing our sins so was cut off from Him. Yes He gets it, He sees you dear sis, "casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you."
Hugs Shaz in Oz.x

Tina Campbell said...

Very beautiful post that she did thank you for sharing it with us. I think that is so sweet and loving that your son is doing that, he is well blessed and so are you my friend. Stay warm this weekend :) Prayers and hugs, Tina

MaryH said...

Brenda, it was good of you to share this, so that perhaps someone else who reads YOUR post, will glimpse the insight offered here, & realize they are not alone with these feelings of loss. Of course, when you love someone so much, you open yourself to a possibly deep hurt. However, if you don't experience the love that is required, then you lose out so much on life. We have joy & we have sorrow. I know you have many more dark times ahead as you move along without Dwayne, but I know he would be proud of how you have coped. And you WILL get through this, because you are a strong person. You also have so many folks who think of you, and many there locally who can lend a shoulder when you need one. Thanks for sharing this, and I'm so happy if it helped a little bit with what you've been feeling. Hugs & Prayers. MM

Darnell said...

That was very powerful and brought me to tears, too. We have all suffered devastating loss at some time, so these beautifully written words were very validating. Thank you for sharing, Brenda. Your giving heart might be broken, but the way you keep on giving is inspiring to all of us! Love and hugs, Auntie

Maarit at Violets Corner said...

Thank you for sharing Brenda, it describes so well the feeling of loss. I lost my Mum in December to cancer so it spoke volumes to me. Your youngest son is a true blessing.

Lots of love and hugs to both of you this weekend

Anita in France said...

So beautifully written, Brenda ... we do all stand together in sharing the awful loss of a loved one ... and this heart touching post puts into words how that feels. Thinking of you, my friend, as you take each step on your own, with Dwayne watching from above. Hugs & prayers, Anita :)

cm said...

A deeply touching post that brought me to tears. As you grieve the loss of Dwayne, I grieve the loss of my Pa, and others join us in sharing their own losses. In our dark times, we need to remember that we walk similar paths and how comforting to know we're not alone. Thank you, in the midst of your sorrow, for reaching out to all of us; your compassion, sensitivity and love are incredible. Your ability to give, give and give...so inspiring! Hugs and love coming your way!

scrappymo! said...

What a beautiful and thought provoking post. I had tears in my eyes reading this as it really touched my heart.
I wish you the best in your journey of grieving for your dear husband, You seem to have a strong family to help you through this. Their love and the memories of the love you shared with your husband will help you through this journey.