Saturday, October 10, 2015

There's a Hole in my Heart

The love of my life lost his battle with cancer this morning and the good Lord took him home at 3:50 am today. He was surrounded by our sons, some of our grandchildren and of course I never left his side. It was a hard evening and morning for us all. I really don't know how I will go on without the love of my life being next to me, there's a huge hole in my heart. I know God will get me through this, it just doesn't feel like it at this time. 

So while I have some scheduled posts, I won't probably be around for a while. Or maybe I will need to be here. I just don't know. My emotions are like a roller coaster and right now, I just have to get through the funeral and get used to not have my love sitting right by me each night. I have to get through him not being here to harvest the crops. Our boys will be doing it instead. My love so wanted to get in that combine one more time-farming was his passion, his family was his other passion. He worked 50 hours a week and then came home and farmed 5 farms. I was in awe by him everyday. There was nothing he couldn't do. And I just can't believe he isn't here anymore. But he isn't in pain anymore. He is cured now, the cancer isn't eating him alive anymore. And can I just say....CANCER SUCKS! It robbed me of my love, robbed my grandchildren of their papaw and I know that we aren't the only one that is walking this journey or that has lost their grandfather, their father or the love of their life.  

So please bare with me as I find my way in this journey. I don't know where this journey will lead me, but I know that one day I will get where I'm going with my beloved looking down over me and our boys and our grandchildren. 
Crafty hugs, Brenda

51 comments:

Suzanne cricutcraftingrammyblogspot.com said...

My dear friend I have been thinking about you all day every since I got your message. Take care of you and the boys now. Dwayne is at peace. You will be on a roller coaster of emotions but know your family and friends are here for you. I am so sorry for your loss and know you will miss Dwayne dearly but one day you will be together again. Hugs

Sharon said...

I am so very sorry Brenda!! You and your family are in my prayers.

Maxine D said...

Praying for you
Blessings
Maxine

MaryH said...

My heart is breaking for you, my dear Brenda. You have been so strong for such a long time now, so please hold on a little longer & let the pain begin to heal. Rest - if & when you can. So many are sending prayers and positive thoughts to uphold you during this difficult time. You both fought, you didn't give up, and now Dwayne is free of all the pain. God keep you...Hugs - MM

Loll said...

Brenda. I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family. It has been a very difficult journey for all of you. I am thankful you have your family with you right now. And you must know that you have your crafting family with you too. Take care Brenda. Get some rest and lean on your family and friends for support. Sending you a warm hug. Loll xx

Annie said...

Sending love and hugs. Lost my husband years ago so I know what that hole in the heart feels like. Annie xxx

LesleyG said...

Thinking of you...... Xxx

Happy Dance said...

God bless you, and keep you in his arms. This will be a hard journey for you, but with His help, you will get through this, I promise. Your faith and family will guide you and help to heal you. If you need to talk, please don't hesitate to shoot me an email, or give me a call. I've been through this, and know pretty much what you're feeling, and what you'll be feeling in 6 months or so. You have my most heartfelt sympathies, Brenda. Let me know if there is anything I can do. You're in my prayers. Bev

Stephanie said...

Dear Brenda, I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you. Unfortunately I don't think anything can make it easier. Just take one day at a time and concentrate on it. You will be very busy for the next few weeks, that can't be helped. I'm so glad you have these wonderful boys. Lean on them, let them help you. You are a very strong lady and I hope these prayers help you feel strong. Dwayne is blessed to be pain free. (even though he never wanted to leave you) Now we need to bless you. When you feel angry and need to vent, you can email me and no one else will ever see or hear of it. Sometimes that's hard to do with the closest people around you. You might feel better afterwards but they will always remember what was said. Just know that the prayers will continue. I'm here if you need.
Blessings on all of you,
Stephanie

Shaz in Oz.CalligraphyCards said...

Dear sweet Brenda,
Am so sad for for you, truly great is your sorrow, praying that the dear Lord will fill that hole with His love comfort and peace with each day that passes.
He understands and cares as none other can do.
You've all been much in my prayers and will be kept there, though so far away. I know that your dear ones are there with you, and pray for each of them.
I am staying just now with a dear friend who lost her pastor husband to brain cancer just two months ago, she is praying for you too.
Love and hugs and many prayers from Downunder,
Shaz in Oz.x
Ps Darnell very kindly emailed me before your post came out. Xxxxxxxx

cm said...

My sweet Brenda, my heart aches for you. Dwayne will continue to be by your side as you begin this new journey, as will your sons and their families. I'm at a loss for words...please know I'm sending you thoughts of comfort, prayers and hugs across the distance. I am here for you, whatever you may need. My shoulders are strong; my compassion, deep.
Hugs and much love,
~c

Elizabeth said...

Dear Brenda, I am so saddened to hear of your loss. I can't begin to imagine what is must be like for you now that Dwayne has gone. My thoughts are with you and your family through this difficult time. Hugs, Elizabeth xx

Marilyn said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Stay strong and keep praying. I will keep you and your family in my prayers

Jane Willis said...

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.
Jane xxx

Anne said...

There are no words that can comfort you. I feel your pain and I am just so very sorry. If a hug would help then I send you billions. Stay strong in our Lord.xx

Di said...

Dearest Brenda

I'm so very sorry to hear about Dwayne, words are so hard to find. You're in the hearts and thoughts of so, so many of us.

Love and hugs

Di xxx

Tina Campbell said...

Brenda my dearest friend, my heart fills with sadness to hear Dwayne has lost his battle. I pray that comfort engulfs you during this time and lots of guidance from the Lord as he has a path for you ahead. Cancer does suck takes away so many precious family members from their families. We are always here for you when ever you need an ear to hear what is troubling you. God will cover that hole in your heart with wonderful family and wonderful memories. Big hugs my friend and praters of comfort and guidance. Hugs my friend, Tina

Annette said...

So sorry for your loss Brenda, Sending Love and prayers your way!

Jules said...

Hi Brenda

I am so very, very sorry Brenda .. .. my sincere condolences go out to you and your wonderful family.


No words can really help but hopefully everyone's love will ease the pain.

Sending love and hugs

Jules xoxo

KT Fit Kitty said...

So very sorry to read this. My heart is breaking for you. I have no words of comfort other than I will pray for you and your family to have the strength to get through this. Sending big hugs.

Kristie Goulet said...

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss, Brenda. You are in my prayers and pray that you will find some comfort in knowing many around the world are lifting you up in prayer. xoxo

Shawnee Penkacik said...

Dear Brenda,
I am so sorry to hear that Dwayne has lost his battle with cancer. Please know that I am praying for you and send hugs and love from my family to yours.

Love and hugs,
Shawnee

abusybee - DoubleClick Connections said...

I am so sorry for you loss, my prayers for peace are going out to you and your family. My sister was taken from us from cancer, and my hearts breaks for everyone that has to suffer they way she did and our family did over her being gone. Thinking of you

jimlynn said...

You know you're in my prayers Brenda! Please try and get some rest and hang on to all the wonderful memories! Sending all my love.
Lynn

Liz said...

I was so sorry to hear that Dwayne sadly lost his fight against this terrible disease. Thinking of you and all your family at this difficult time. xx

scrapqueen141 said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, Brenda! I'm sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you, may the Lord give you some peace and wrap His arms around you!
Jamie

Carol L said...

I am completely lost for words with this sad news Brenda. I can't begin to imagine how you're going to deal with the coming changes in your life, but hopefully you'll be supported and surrounded with your family and friends to help comfort you. I wish I could just come and sit with you and help you get through this for a while. I'm so sad, and yet I know there's nothing I can say or do to take away your heartache, pain and grief. The only good that came of this is that Dwayne is no longer suffering. Big hugs and heartfelt sympathy for your tragic loss Brenda.I care very much.......

Joann Williams said...

Hey sis...
I am so very sorry for your loss!!! We both knew this time would come but I honestly thought he had way more time. As you said it best, he is no longer in pain or suffering and that is a great thing. I know your heart is hurting and the loss is deep, but I promise you that the Lord will pull you through this and you are definitely NOT alone. If you need me for anything, please do not hesitate to email or call me. Please give the boys my condolences and know that I am here for you. So so sorry.
Love you,
Hugs,

MackieMade Paper Creations said...

So sorry to hear this very sad news. Cancer is a horrible disease. I have lost my dad, and both my father in law and mother in law to cancer. I am sending prayers to you and your family. The pain and loss will always be there, but time will make it easier to bear. Everyone grieves differently. There is no right way or wrong way. Hopefully you will find peace with your paper crafting and we will see you here. If not, that's OK, too. Take care.

alexandra s.m. said...

I am so sorry for your loss Brenda.
Please accept my deepest sympathy.
xx

Veerle said...

Oh my dear Brenda, I am so sorry for you. My sincere condolances with this great loss you are suffering from. Take your time to grieve my friend, we DO need to grieve, and let your sadness out. Don't try to push yourself into doing something take it step by step and day by day.
Always thinking of you, sending you love and a big hug.
Veerle x

Veerle said...

Oh my dear Brenda, I am so sorry for you. My sincere condolances with this great loss you are suffering from. Take your time to grieve my friend, we DO need to grieve, and let your sadness out. Don't try to push yourself into doing something take it step by step and day by day.
Always thinking of you, sending you love and a big hug.
Veerle x

Karin Ã…kesdotter said...

I'm so very sorry Brenda. You and your family are in my thoughts. Hugs.

Sue said...

Oh Brenda my heart goes out to you and your family..there are no words huggles Sue xxx

Kellie 0:) said...

Brenda I'm very sorry to hear that Dwayne lost his battle with cancer. Be comforted by the fact that he is now without pain and in the arms of Our Saviour. Know you will see him again and that he will be watching over you the boys and your grandkids. Take one day at a time my friend and know that you have many people out here across the world sending all our love and support to you. Anything we can do for you we are here. Much love Kellie x

Lysa said...

Brenda, Thoughts and prayers to all of you. With your family beside you and heaven above you will find peace in the memories you have built. In time the hole in your heart will be filled with thoughts and memories that will get you through each day. Let time do its work and take the time to heal. May God bless you all as you travel this most difficult road. Much Love to All of the family,
Lysa

Diane said...

I am so very sorry Brenda, you are in my thoughts.

Hugs Diane

LeAnne said...

So, so sorry for your loss, Brenda. I am praying fervently that the Lord will show Himself to you in many ways in the coming days and weeks. Know there are friends you've never met that are thinking of you today.

Anonymous said...

Though I don't really know you other than through your blog, I just want to send my heartfelt sympathies for you and yours.

Melin MyPaperCrafting said...

Dear Brenda,
I am so very sorry to hear of your beloved's passing. Truly, there are no adequate words. May the Lord's great love for you and your family be your strength, comfort and peace during this tremendous loss. May your heart find solace in the promise of God's ever present help in time of trouble. Prayers and love for you and your family during this time my dear, crafty friend.

Larelyn said...

Dearest Brenda,
There are no words that will heal your heart. You must find your own way. Just know that you are surrounded by people who love and care. Find strength in that. Come back to us when the time is right.
You are so right - CANCER SUCKS!
Much love, caring thoughts, and hugs,
Larelyn

Kelly Griglione said...

Oh Brenda, I am so sorry to hear this! I sure hope you know we are all sending you love and hugs. Be strong, but also know it's OK to cry. xoxo,
Kelly

Connie Wallenbrock said...

Sending you many hugs and prayers Brenda. I am so sorry for your loss but am assured that your love is finally healed and smiling in a better place. I hope that can ease your pain a bit. Know that we are all here for you to lean on and cry with. Hugs!!

Lisa said...

My sweet friend, please know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. Cancer does suck. I know there are no words that can make you feel better. Just know that there are many who care for you and are praying for you and asking God to keep you in his loving embrace. Sending you lots of love and comforting hugs to get you through this difficult time. I am thinking of you.

Lisa
A Mermaid's Crafts

Maarit at Violets Corner said...

Yeah, cancer really sucks!

I'm sending all my love to you and your family.

You all are in my prayers,
Maarit

Caroline said...

May God be with you during this difficult time. I will pray for you every day and am certainly thinking of you and your terrible loss.

Hugs,
Caroline

Anonymous said...

Dear Brenda, Awhile ago I met you thru Cards by Candee and have been following your blog. Please know you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and smiles, Reva

DIANA L. said...

Brenda, I am so sorry for your BIG loss. Dwayne was a real warrior and I know it had to have been a tough fight. I will continue to ask for God's comfort and peace for you and the family and I can not even imagine the pain you are going through, my heart goes out to you my dear friend.
Hugs Diana

Karen Petitt said...

My heart is broken for you my lovely sweet friend. Just know if you need us we are here. Take your time, look after yourself, and be surrounded by your loved ones. Big gentle hugs hun xx

Carole Beath said...

Oh dear one, what can I say that has not been said in the loving comments before mine. They are testament to those who admire and cherish you, and their hearts are broken, as is mine, for you and your family.
Life will go on, as they say, but the memory of your Dwayne will never leave you. God Bless you, Brenda, know that my heart and thoughts are with you every single day.
Carole

D- said...

I keep coming back to your post not sure what to write.
I can not even imagine what you are going through.
I know I emailed you but I just wanted to let you know I care.
Please take care of yourself. Do what you can when you can.
Keep those who love you close.
Sending heart healing hugs,
Dawn
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